Saturday, September 20, 2008
To Date or not to Date...
It wasn’t until recently (over this past year) that I became aware of the fact that many Christians still date. I don’t date because I feel God’s will in my life is to save myself emotionally and physically for my future mate and I don’t want to compromise this in any way. But others see nothing wrong with this system of finding one guy, date around, break up, and finding another, maybe being a little more physical with this one. But when it hurts you may put your guard up for the next one only to break up again at one time or another.
I was challenged by a new friend I met online saying, “How can you just give up? Then life would be pointless.”
I totally agree with this statement. But it can be misapplied. She used the examples… “If a relative dies and you realize you are not going to live forever do you just give up?”
No, because the Bible tells us to live life to the fullest in Christ. (By the way I base all my life on the Bible so if you disagree take it up with God.) This is not something we are called to give up on.
Another thing… “What about a friend who is not a Christian. What do you do when they spit in you face and reject the Gospel. Do you give up?”
Never, the Bible says, “Go into all the earth making disciples of all nations…” Is that not obvious enough?
Does the Bible say, “GO and Date.”
I think not. In fact, it says and hints the opposite.
It tells you how you are to spend your single years.
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, (or his house and family) and his interests are divided. And the unmarried is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is worried about worldly things and how to please her husband.” 1 Cor. 7:32- 34
My thought on this verse is…
“Be free from the worry of a relationship and devote yourself to God. The unmarried man can devote himself to God and work in the Church. But the married man is committed to caring for his family. For the unmarried are to be worried about the things of God and His ways. But married women are to be focused on her home and how to please her family.”
This verse shows how we are to spend our single years. Not going from one relationship to the other but devoted to God and ministry.
Another verse that I believe confirms this is found in Song of Solomon. No one says it better than Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh.
- “The Song of Solomon is the most romantic book in the Bible. It describes a love relationship between Song of Solomon and his bride. Three times in this powerful love story the young women is charged not to stir up or awaken love before it is time.”
God wishes for us to have a pure and devoted heart to Him and not to every man that makes us laugh.
Another thing...If we look or are checking men out now it’s not going to stop after we are married. We know that’s wrong. Should our behavior towards the opposite sex be any different now than when we are married? I don’t think it should. Remember you can’t marry them all. You get one. If you flirt, hug, go out with, hold hands with, kiss, or even go as far as to have sex, you are doing all that with someone else’s husband or wife. When I am deciding how to treat a boy I treat him as if he already belonged to another. I wonder if a girl somewhere far away or near who knows my future mate and treated him as I am treating this guy would I be jealous? Would it hurt? If you date and date then enter marriage you never know, “What did he do on his dates?” “Did he treat her like he treats me?” “Am I as fun to be around as she was?”
God’s desire for you is to be whole, not broken into several pieces all along the way. It’s not just a, “Well, that didn’t work out so I will press on in another relationship.”
That is the way of the world and we should not follow it. Anyone may dare to disagree with me and I will listen to you or read about your view but I am firm in mine and feel I have a solid foundation for it.
One more story…
I went to a class on dating and this is how the man teaching started things.
“May I borrow a piece of gum?”
A guy brought one up and the speaker took it and chewed saying, “The first bite is always the best.”
Then wrapping it back up, all wet and gooey gave it back and said, “Maybe he won’t notice…”
We all got the picture. Each date there is one more chew out of us. And one day when you marry, if that is God’s will as it is for 99% of Christians, you can hand you mate a chewed piece of gum or say…
“All I am, all I was, and all I will ever be is yours. I have never given my heart to another and all of it is wholly and completely yours.”
Lord willing I will be able to say this but there are many who can’t. Some have even lost their purity entirely. God can heal and mend; I know He can because of other area in my life in which I have failed terribly then found forgiveness. All you have to do is ask…
For more info on giving dating up there are some awesome books. I kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris is the best in my opinion. Also by the same guy, Not even a Hint. (I heard he changed the title recently so watch out) Before you meet Prince Charming is good for younger girls. And Lies young women believe and the Truth that sets them free. There is a lot of great info in this book but two chapters talk about dating. It’s by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh.
Now I don't do this because it's fun. There are many times I wish I could have a guys attention or want him to put his arm around me, etc. These desires are normal and one day will be satisfied in the greatest way. If I had nothing to look forward to waiting would be a waste. Sometimes it can be hard but I am trusting God to work in me in such a way that when I stand before the man He has for me I can look back and have no regrets.